To My Body: I Am Sorry

To my few readers: I have been a ghost on the blog for about the last month and a half, and if you have missed my posts, I am sorry. Taken 7.5.19. Dress from Haley and the Hound. Necklace c/o Molly B Originals and painted by Pippa Goetz.

If you follow me on Instagram, you will see that I have kept up appearances. Despite my sunny feed, May and June were pretty awful. Not to worry, I am not physically or mentally ill, and no one close to me is in seriously grave condition, I still have my wonderful job, my family and friends, my great little house, my 4 cats and my partner for life boyfriend, all of which I am abundantly thankful for. There have been some personal things that I have been dealing with, and most of that will probably never be shared on social media.

Peter Beaton hat, Sailor Sailor dress. Vintage man.

One thing that I do want to share is my intense battle within myself to eat right (most of the time) and to maintain a healthy body.

Nothing about this picture is healthy. It was taken about three weeks ago.

This past Friday, I turned 44 (eek)! I celebrated by taking my love to Nantucket for his first visit there, and I made the ferry by two minutes because I didn’t fit into half of the dresses that I wanted to wear. It wasn’t like this was a shocker, as I have slowly gained back all of the 23 pounds that I lost two years ago plus a few more.I love how healthy and toned I look in this picture from two years ago.

Let me just say that I am proud that I don’t compare myself to most other bloggers (many of whom are 15-20 years younger than I am) when it comes to weight. I was a size 4 when I was 27, but I worked out two hours a day and was in a relationship with a controlling person who monitored and commented on everything that I put into my body. Not fun, and not going to happen again.

I could really care less about the size of my clothes- it’s about the fit and how I look. We all have friends and family members of all shapes and sizes, and as long a person is happy with themselves, I could care less about their number. We all know that skinny doesn’t mean healthy and plus size can be very healthy! It’s about how you feel, and I feel like I am carrying too much extra everywhere.I listed this Sail to Sable dress on Poshmark last week, because I don’t think I’ll ever look as good in it as I did two years ago.

The truth is that I have amassed a beautiful wardrobe with a 15 year retail background and with the good fortune of working with so many kind and talented designers over the last two and a half years blogging. I don’t want to get a new wardrobe because I can’t fit into some things that I love, and most of it is irreplaceable anyway.In vintage Lilly two years ago. This is in the don’t-even-bother-to-try-it-on-but-refuse-to-get-rid-of-it bin.

Last year, losing Ollie and Louis Philippe within four months of each other was almost too deviating to take. Anyone who has experienced losses of pets so close together or, even worse, losses of family members within a short period of time, understands this.My heart will never be whole from losing my pets.

It is just a partial excuse, but I would say that it was definitely the catalyst to me just letting go of my path to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. There are a million more excuses, but It was mainly just laziness, lack of motivation and being overwhelmed by life. Oh, and I LOVE to eat!Selfie last week from Juice Bar on Nantucket

There are couple of things that I am really looking forward to get back on track, starting tomorrow.

I have started working with a personal trainer once a week to build my strength back up.

I also just joined a new science-based anti-aging gym called R3Bilt, and I cannot wait to start working with their team. Much more on that to come as I get into the program a bit more. I will say that it starts with a body scan and does NOT involve a scale.Taken 7/5/19 on my birthday on the beach in Sconset.

I will be blogging about my journey and progress, but it won’t take over. Part of this will be to keep myself accountable, and part will be to keep my readers up to date on how this new program works. This is really important to me because I have many followers and readers over the age of 40, and I also have many plus size readers, followers, family and friends that I truly believe will find this interesting and possibly helpful.

Thank you in advance to those who follow along and offer their support. I am always cheering for you to be happy and healthy.Taken on a boat this past week. Flattering sweater c/o NavyBLEU

To my body: I am sorry, I will do better. For the long term, not just for the short term.

Xxoo,

Jen

The Preppy Francophile

P.S. I do edit my photos to fix things such as lighting and an unflattering wrinkle in a piece of clothing, but I would NEVER alter the shape of my body or body parts in a picture. I find that dishonest, fake and morally repugnant. If I don’t like the way I look in a photo, I simply won’t use it. That is why most of us in social media make our picture takers do about 100 of the same shot!

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